Having the family together again and enjoying the return of a deployed father or mother can be a time of great joy, but is also a major transition that can have its difficulties for all those involved — returning Soldier, spouse, children and other family members. Managing the change that deployments bring about can help everyone to develop resiliency, especially children.
Even a few months is a long time in the life of a child, whether the child is an infant, toddler, pre-teen or teenager. Children go through periods of rapid development and change, and this impacts their view of the world around them. They grow physically and emotionally — from crawling to walking, from home to school, from elementary to high school.
While the deployed family member was away there may have been varying amounts of contact by webcam, phone, e-mail or letters. This can be great, but it can also have its problems. Be aware for instance that a 3-year-old seeing mommy or daddy on the webcam does not always understand why mommy or daddy cannot just come out of the computer, and this can lead to some challenging behavior. Teenagers may feel resentful that mom or dad was not there for an important game or the prom, have the insight to know that absence was not the parent’s fault, and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.
Talking to your children about their expectations for the homecoming is a good way to begin engaging them in the readjustments to come. Find out about the fun things they want to do with their returned parent and the things they may be fearful of. Also be aware the returning parent has been in a different place, perhaps in difficult circumstances and may also have certain expectations or fears about reconnecting.
Routines will need to be readjusted. It is to be expected that as new routines develop there may be some friction. The parent that stayed at home managed to adjust to meet the challenges and changes over the period of the deployment and they find it difficult to change instantaneously.
Know what help is available to you and your family over this time. This is especially necessary for families of returning members of the Army Reserve and National Guard, who may not have as ready access to programs as active-duty Soldiers and families who have regular access to a military installation. In addition to Army support for returning Soldiers and their families, there are many other resources and support networks that have sprung up that are not attached to military families. Many of these can be found on the Web or even from installation support services such as Army Community Service.
Above all, take things slowly. Be patient. There is no right way or wrong way to reconnect. The aim at the end, however long it may take, is that the family is still a family together.
Further resources:
www.militaryonesource.com
https://www.cs.amedd.army.mil/youth.aspx#
http://archive.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/initiatives
http://focusproject.org/
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Having the family together again and enjoying the return of a deployed father or mother can be a time of great joy, but is also a major transition that can have its difficulties for all those involved — returning Soldier, spouse, children and other family members. Managing the change that deployments bring about can help everyone to develop resiliency, especially children.
Even a few months is a long time in the life of a child, whether the child is an infant, toddler, pre-teen or teenager. Children go through periods of rapid development and change, and this impacts their view of the world around them. They grow physically and emotionally — from crawling to walking, from home to school, from elementary to high school.
While the deployed family member was away there may have been varying amounts of contact by webcam, phone, e-mail or letters. This can be great, but it can also have its problems. Be aware for instance that a 3-year-old seeing mommy or daddy on the webcam does not always understand why mommy or daddy cannot just come out of the computer, and this can lead to some challenging behavior. Teenagers may feel resentful that mom or dad was not there for an important game or the prom, have the insight to know that absence was not the parent’s fault, and then feel guilty for feeling resentful.
Talking to your children about their expectations for the homecoming is a good way to begin engaging them in the readjustments to come. Find out about the fun things they want to do with their returned parent and the things they may be fearful of. Also be aware the returning parent has been in a different place, perhaps in difficult circumstances and may also have certain expectations or fears about reconnecting.
Routines will need to be readjusted. It is to be expected that as new routines develop there may be some friction. The parent that stayed at home managed to adjust to meet the challenges and changes over the period of the deployment and they find it difficult to change instantaneously.
Know what help is available to you and your family over this time. This is especially necessary for families of returning members of the Army Reserve and National Guard, who may not have as ready access to programs as active-duty Soldiers and families who have regular access to a military installation. In addition to Army support for returning Soldiers and their families, there are many other resources and support networks that have sprung up that are not attached to military families. Many of these can be found on the Web or even from installation support services such as Army Community Service.
Above all, take things slowly. Be patient. There is no right way or wrong way to reconnect. The aim at the end, however long it may take, is that the family is still a family together.
Further resources:
www.militaryonesource.com
https://www.cs.amedd.army.mil/youth.aspx#
http://archive.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/initiatives
http://focusproject.org/
